I just love finding more of these tech support calls that are incredibly
true and often very funny. Here are some more of those gems for your
pleasure:

Customer: "I keep getting inappropriate pop-ups on my computer and don’t
want my wife to think that it’s me."

Advisor: "I will remove them for you."

Customer: "How do I get them back when she is not in?"

———————————————————————-

Advisor: "Press any key to continue."

Customer: "I can’t find the ‘Any’ key."

———————————————————

Customer: "My mouse mat isn’t wired up."

Advisor: "I’m not sure I understand, your mouse mat shouldn’t have any
wires."

Customer: "Well how does it know where my mouse is? Is it wireless?"

————————————————————

Customer: "I met a man on the internet, can you give me his phone
number?"

————————————————————————-

Advisor: "You have spyware on your machine which is causing the problem."

Customer: "Spyware? Can they see me getting dressed through the monitor?"

——————————————————————————–

Customer: "How do I change channel on my monitor?"

Advisor: "Your monitor won’t have channels like a TV."

Customer: "But I was watching the internet channel the other day and now
I just get the word processing channel."

—————————————————————–

Advisor: "Can you click on ‘My Computer’?"

Customer: "I don’t have your computer, just mine."

——————————————————————-

Customer: "My 14 year-old son has put a password on my computer and I
can’t get in."

Advisor: "Has he forgotten it?"

Customer: "No he just won’t tell me it because I’ve grounded him."

———————————————————————

Customer: "My iPod will only play one song."

Advisor: "Which other tracks have you downloaded from iTunes?"

Customer: "Do I need to download tracks?"

—————————————————–

Customer: "My family in Australia use BT Softphone, I can see them but
they can’t see me."

Advisor: "What brand is your webcam?"

Customer: "What’s a webcam?"

———————————————————————-

And that’s the Twilight Zone.

This actually happened about a year ago but I could not help putting it up here anyway. It’s
so ridiculous that you simply have to read about it!!!

In the "How Dumb Can You Get?" column, we find a guy who wants to be a
thief or burglar but he just doesn’t have the right stuff for the job.
He apparently broke into an apartment by using his Ill. State
Corrections ID card. It wasn’t the wisest thing on earth to leave the
card at the scene of the burglary though. Takes the fun right out of the
thing for the police.

He was arrested for the burglary, drug stuff, etc. Seems he just got out
of prison in Illinois in January. Apparently, when someone does not have
regular state ID or driver’s license, they give the Corrections ID.
Guess he liked where he used to live. Got to get back to see the boys,
right?

Leave The ID. Maybe It Confuses Them.

BETTENDORF, Iowa (AP) - A burglary suspect was arrested after he left
behind a Corrections Department identification card he used to jimmy a
lock, authorities said.

Officers said they arrested Robert Alan Fry of Rock Island, Ill.,
after investigating the theft Tuesday of a plastic jug containing about
$400 in change from an apartment in Bettendorf. They said they found
Fry’s Illinois Department of Corrections ID card at the apartment and
arrested him Wednesday at a Bettendorf motel.

Hey, there is this guy who doesn’t like his name, apparently. Wants to
change it legally. Okay, I have no problem with that. Some parents are
truly cruel with naming kids. But this guy was an orphan. However,
someone named him and he wants a different one. So, go for it, right? Uh
well, sure. He wants to change his name to Ynot Bubba. Sounds sort of
like Bubba Gump Shrimp? No? All right. It was a stretch, I know. Here’s
the story:

Y
Not

LAS CRUCES, N.M. (AP) - Justin Brady’s friends call him Bubba, so he
figured why not ask a judge to change it legally. He wants to be known
as Ynot Bubba. "It’s just a name," Brady, 43, said in a telephone
interview from Alabama, where he was on the road.

"I want my name to (be) … not just something common," said Brady,
who lives in Las Cruces but spends most of his time trucking the
highways.

Brady said he was given up for adoption as a baby and lived in an
orphanage until he was 14, when he was taken in by a couple who divorced
two years later. Now, he said, his foster father wants nothing to do
with him "and I basically want nothing to do with his name."

His chosen first name, Ynot, comes from communities around the
country named Wynot and Whynot.

His choice of last name comes from people he now considers family who
nicknamed him Bubba eight years ago for no particular reason.

And now for the totally ridiculous, which I might add, I try to find for
this particular blog whenever possible. Seems a man tried to rob a bank.
Took a note to the teller demanding money. Apparently, he was on the way
to do the same thing again when the police caught up with him. When he
discovered the police were after him, he got the note out and attempted
to chew and swallow. Guess he needed some water with that? The officer
tried to get the note from the alleged robber by putting his fingers
into the guy’s mouth. Not a great idea. Barney got bit.

Uh, one thing about this story that puzzles me. It’s in the second
paragraph. Can you explain it to me cuz I shure don’t git it. Maybe it’s
the Arkie thing. Been here too long and all that? Nah. So, the relevance
of this statement is what again?

Don’t Take The Note From The Bad Guy

MUSKEGON, Mich. - A man who police say tried to eat a bank robbery
note and then bit a police officer is facing felony charges. Leland
Snyder, 24, of Muskegon, is charged in the March 2 robbery of a LaSalle
Bank after police say he passed a teller a note demanding money. He also
is charged with resisting and obstructing police causing injury.

There was no telephone listing for Snyder in Muskegon.

Authorities think Snyder was on his way to rob another business when
Muskegon Heights police caught him Wednesday.

Police said he reached into his waistband, brought out a piece of
paper and tried to eat it. When a police officer attempted to retrieve
the note from Snyder’s mouth, he was bitten on the thumb.

Now this one is strange. A very energetic moose, who was being
tranquilized at the time, instead of lying down and taking it, chose to
attack the helicopter that was hovering just above. I guess the score is
MOOSE-1 HELICOPTER-0. The moose damaged the rotor causing it to be
grounded. In the process, the moose was injured and had to be put down.

Probably the most ridiculous comment I have heard in a while came from
the regional supervisor for the Division of Wildlife Conservation. He
said:

"As the animal got closer and closer to going down, an animal sort of
loses its thinking — its ability to rationalize what’s in its best
interest," Larsen said.

Now is it just me or is there a problem with that? Have you ever known
an animal to rationalize? If I am not mistaken, I believe that humans
are the only species that can rationalize anything. This is an animal, a
WILD animal. How on earth is it going to rationally think of what to do.
The phrase "deer in the headlights" comes to mind. While I’ve seen a few
people look like that, I have also seen it in deer and other animals.
Not unusual. What is unusual is some guy, who should know better,
stating that an animal has lost what he never had in the first place.
DUH!!

Moose Tangles With Helicopter

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - A helicopter is not necessarily a match for an
angry moose. Instead of lying down after being shot with a tranquilizer
dart, a moose charged a hovering helicopter used by a wildlife
biologist, damaging the aircraft’s tail rotor and forcing it to the
ground.

Neither the pilot nor the biologist was injured, but the moose was
maimed by the spinning rotor and had to be euthanized, wildlife
officials said.

"It just had to be one of those quirky circumstance. Even dealing
with bears and goats and moose and wolves, this is pretty unusual and
truly a very unique situation," said Doug Larsen, regional supervisor
for the Division of Wildlife Conservation.

This one is a hoot. I just could not pass it up. It is said that a
picture is worth a thousand words. This is easily worth all of that.
Enjoy.

The Portable Pub

We’ve all heard of Port-a-Potties, but what about Port-a-Pubs? Billed
as “the world’s first inflatable pub”, this pub in a box holds up to 50
guests (or 200 college students), fits in the back of a van, and
assembles in under an hour.

Why add an extension to your house when you can buy a portable pub
that travels with you? All pub-like features are painted directly onto
the PVC walls (now anti-fungal and flame retardant!), so there’s no need
to worry about unruly guests breaking paintings or windows … although
you may want to watch out for guests trying to carve their names on the
“wood” beams.

Twilight Zone: Body Parts Delivery. And I thought the post office was
messed up!! DHL delivered packages containing some human body parts to a
residence instead of to the medical facility that it was supposed to go
to. The strange part? Well, that was, naturally. But there’s more. The
driver thought the bubble-wrap items were pieces to a table.

Seems the husband starts to unwrap the packages and sees what appears to
be a liver!! Gross! They called the sheriff’s office. So would I, after
the screaming, of course. Oh yeah, the rest of the body parts? Some
twenty eight packages? Gonna show up all over the country. It’s going to
be an interesting mail day for several days.

Twilight Zone: Body Parts Delivery

CASCADE TOWNSHIP, Mich. - Two packages containing human body parts -
including a liver and part of a head - meant for a medical research lab
instead were delivered to a home.

The body parts, sent from China, were mistakenly dropped off Thursday
at Franck and Ludivine Larmande’s home by a DHL express driver who
believed the bubble-wrapped items were pieces to a table.

"My husband started to unwrap one and said, ‘This is strange, it
looks like a liver,’" Ludivine Larmande said. "He started the second
one, but stopped as soon as we saw the ear.

"Something wasn’t right. It was scary, and I’m glad I didn’t open
them."

The couple called Kent County sheriff’s deputies, who determined the
preserved body parts were for medical research, Lt. Roger Parent said.

Say what??? It seems that in Pekin, Ill., there was a law stating that
cars had to keep a light on after they were parked for the night if they
were on the street. Naturally, that left folks with dead batteries and
hot collars for decades. Then, of course, there was the ticket that went
with not complying, $10. Now, that could get a bit pricey after a while.

These folks lived with this nonsense for years. Has someone asked why
the same folks that made this law got elected year after year??? These same
people voted against dropping the asinine law because they felt that it
would keep the junk off the street. Someone PLEASE tell me how that
works because all I can see is a bunch of folks who do not have
driveways and garages having to fork out either cash for a jump or $10
for the fine for endless years. Ah, but the city got rich, didn’t it?

Cars
Don’t Need Lights Now

PEKIN, Ill. — Turn out the lights.

While the party may not be over, the law has been changed in the
central Illinois town of Pekin. For decades, an ordinance required that
all cars parked on city streets after dark keep a light on. People
complained the law left cars with dead batteries and motorists with
short tempers. Many risked a $10 ticket rather than having to get a jump
start in the morning.

Yep, it’s called Rent-a-wife. That’s the business this lady has started
up to clean single guy’s place of residence. Of course, that is the end
of it, she says. Just a cleaning job, not an escort service no matter
how much you beg. She says she likes doing the cleaning for guys because
they aren’t as picky as the girls. Well, DUH!

Joe Single is going to just throw the pizza box in the corner. He
doesn’t care. As a matter of fact, it would surprise me if the guy
noticed that the cleaning lady had been there at all. (They aren’t
observant by nature, you know) By the time she has cleaned up the slob’s
mess, he comes home and makes another one. "Someone please come and
shovel this hovel out! Don’t worry. Call Rent-A-Wife."

She
Cleans The Domicile, He Rents-A-Wife

"Rent-a-Wife" Dawn Haney said there’s nothing dirty about her
cleaning service. The woman does chores single guys can’t or won’t do
for themselves. The "Rent-a-Wife" will take care of everything from the
laundry to hosting a party. But she said there are limits to how far her
wifely chores will go. She said she gets some calls from men wanting to
know if she’s running an escort service.

I have had boring days. I have had boring weekends. But this tops it for
me. This janitor works in the county courthouse cleaning up after the
days’ events. All of a sudden, the door closes on him. Worse, his cel is
in another room in his coat pocket. Without food, water or bathroom
facilities this guy stays put for about 60 hrs. because no one looked
for him in the courthouse. Who knew??? Now THAT’S BORING!!! And then
there’s the gotta go factor. Yuk!

Stuck In
The Courthouse

Think you had a boring weekend? Talk to Harold Jones. The 32-year-old
janitor spent two and a half days without food, water or access to a
bathroom after he was accidentally locked in a secure room at an upstate
courthouse.

Jones was mopping the floor in a meeting room at the Dutchess County
Courthouse in Poughkeepsie on Friday night when the door swung shut,
locking him in.

To make matters worse, he had left his cell phone in his coat, which
was in another room.

Jones banged on the door, but no one heard him until yesterday
morning, when a county employee found him in the room.

I think I will simply enjoy my home much more now. That’s it from the
Total Peanut.