This is The Total Peanut telling you that it is a Peanutish Day today. Okay, that about covers it.

What am I going to crunch on now? I don’t want to talk about sad stuff so nothing about the hurricane. You can find out about that on the news. Want to know what you get when you search for happy stuff? Insurance. Bah! There was a games page that came up. Dunno much about that one. What I’m really looking for is something to laugh about.

Okay, I got it! You cannot go to this, look at it for a few seconds and not laugh! Uh, sure, some sourpuss could but I can’t do it. How about you?

The Insanity Test

Did it make you laugh? Hmmm. All right. I can try again.

The Kitty Cat Song

Can I count on your laughter now? My goodness, you are hard to please, aren’t you. Let’s see. One more but I cannot promise that this one will do it. Not really. It’s only a little ditty.

The Banana Phone

(Just because it runs through my mind all day long doesn’t mean it will run through everyone else’s. *grumble, grumble* It’s obvious that I need some new material.)

This is The Total Peanut saying Have a Peanutish Day!

A few years ago I saw a comedian that was just as poker faced as they
come. His jokes were funny simply because he never cracked a smile and
looked like he was serious. The delivery was deadpan and monitone. Here
are a few of those jokes:

OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don’t get it.

Don’t you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up
all night.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in
the same room and let them fight it out.

I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.

Support bacteria - they’re the only culture some people have.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn’t know what to add to it.

When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.

I got a chain letter by fax. It’s very simple. You just fax a dollar
bill to everybody on the list.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

I got this powdered water - now I don’t know what to add.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the
prescription ran out.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.

"Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes."

Something that cracks me up are some of the newest phrases and words
that are coming up because of the internet. They are priceless. For
instance:

Death by Tweakage: It means that products fail due to totally
unnecessary tinkering. Hello? Sounds like a Tim Taylor moment.

carbon-based error: (I love this one. Sounds so trekkie) An error caused
by a carbon-based unit (human to those who never watched all that trek)
as opposed to a silicon-based unit making an error (a computer).

deja poo: The real feeling you have that you’ve stepped in that pile
before.

bobblehead: Those who will nod in agreement just to get the boss off
their butts.

And this one is my alltime favorite…

prairie dogging: A modern office phenomenon. Occurs when workers
simultaneously pop their heads up out of their cubicles to see what’s
going on.