A few years ago I saw a comedian that was just as poker faced as they
come. His jokes were funny simply because he never cracked a smile and
looked like he was serious. The delivery was deadpan and monitone. Here
are a few of those jokes:

OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don’t get it.

Don’t you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up
all night.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in
the same room and let them fight it out.

I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.

Support bacteria - they’re the only culture some people have.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn’t know what to add to it.

When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.

I got a chain letter by fax. It’s very simple. You just fax a dollar
bill to everybody on the list.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

I got this powdered water - now I don’t know what to add.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the
prescription ran out.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.

"Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes."