Ever had a problem getting along with someone’s pet when you like them?
Didn’t work out? Not to dispair. There is a website for you! (Isn’t
there one for everyone nowadays?) This site will play matchmaker for you
AND your pet. If you’ve got a snake, snake buddies are out there.
Spiders? Yep, there is someone looking for you. Need a spider sitter?
And…they have chicken sitters too. Okay, that one is a bit much but
they have it nevertheless. This may actually be a bit creepy here.

Spider Sitters and Pet Mates

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Looking for the love of your life? Does your
pet put potential partners off? — There is now a Web site where you can
find a partner compatible with your dog, cat, snake or spider.

A new Dutch Web site — www.dier-en-mens.nl — says it is a meeting
place for all animal lovers, whether you are looking for a partner,
someone who also likes snakes and spiders or someone who takes care of
your chickens when you want to go away for the weekend.

Who looks for a spider sitter??????

One calorie, two calories…..nine thousand and two calories, nine
thousand and three calories. I really do not think that it would be a
good idea to go to this place to eat if the type of burgers they serve
are like this. There’s this place in Clearfield, Pa., that has the
biggest burger this side of….well, probably anywhere. The thing weighs
in at about 123 lbs. Get a load of what’s on the thing. An 80 lb. beef
patty starts the show, followed by 12 tomatoes, up to five onions, a
pound each of lettuce, mustard, mayo, ketchup, relish and 150 slices of
good ol’ cheese. We cannot forget the cheese. Cram in a couple of pounds
of banana peppers and 33 pickles. Coverd by a 30 pound bun. Okie dokie
here. Should take about 6, maybe 7 years to eat this monster. Hefty
price tag too. $379. Wow! Who eats this thing?????

And the owner of this establishment has stated that if you were worried
about calories, and who wouldn’t with this extra-mongous burger, you
should stay home and eat Kellogg’s. Yeah, my mind is strictly on cereal
now. Right!! Duh!

Calorie counters not wanted at Monster Burger Unveiling

CLEARFIELD, Pa. (AP) — The newest addition to the menu at Denny’s
Beer Barrel Pub is one whopper of a burger. The Beer Barrel Main Event
Charity Burger weighs in at 123 pounds, a meaty monstrosity that its
cooks maintain shatters the world record of 105 pounds shared by two
restaurants in New Jersey and Thailand.

The sizable sandwich features an 80-pound beef patty, along with a
pound each of lettuce, ketchup, relish, mustard and mayonnaise, 160
slices of cheese, up to five onions and 12 tomatoes. It’s topped with a
couple of pounds of banana peppers, then sandwiched into a 30-pound bun.
Don’t forget the garnish of 33 pickles.

There’s a pretty hefty price tag, too: $379.

That’s enough for me. I’m not a true fan of MickeyD but…this is
ridiculous even for me. Nope, guess I will mosey on over to the health
food store and stock up on the soy stuff. Uh, YUK! Okay, not true. One
small burger step for humans, one giant BURGER leap for the Jolly Green
Guy.

Okay, that title needs an explanation. This guy buys a lottery ticket
but, unlike most people who cannot think of anything else until they
check the numbers, he put the ticket away and more or less forgot about
it. Days later, a co-worker says here’s an article in the paper about
the lottery and that some "idiot" hasn’t cashed in the $800,000 winning
ticket yet. Guy decided, "Hmm, maybe I should check mine!" Low and
behold, the 5 numbers matched and since he had purchased the PowerPlay
as well, his winnings of $200,000 became 4 times as much. Not too bad
there.

Now is the time to go look up all those old lottery tickets. Maybe I’m
an idiot too. Uh, that didn’t come out right.

Lottery Winner In Iowa

DES MOINES, Iowa, Feb. 27, 2007

(AP) Ed O’Neill’s bank account just got a lot bigger, thanks to a
co-worker who told him some "idiot" hasn’t claimed an $800,000 Powerball
lottery prize.

O’Neill, 58, who works for the Clinton Chamber of Commerce, bought
the ticket for a Jan. 6 Powerball drawing. He told Iowa Lottery staffers
he didn’t think to check the results until a couple days afterward when
a chamber receptionist pointed out an article in the local newspaper.

"She said, ‘Read this article about the idiot that hasn’t claimed his
ticket.’ So I read it and noticed where the ticket was bought," O’Neill
said. "I thought, ‘Gee, I better look at my ticket.’ That’s when I said,
‘I think I won.’"

Twilight Zone: Ban on homework! San Jose, Calif. has gone totally nuts.
They have decided that student stress is too much and homework is the
culprit. They did leave alone reading, catch-up work and special
projects. Oh please. According to "those in the know" (I have no idea
WHAT they know. Apparently not much) homework "steals" the time the
children would be playing. Well BOO HOO. Are these people for real? One
thing. The parents that are particularly upset are in the wealthy
communities. Not a surprise there. Junior, born with the golden serving
spoon planted firmly in his incredibly huge mouth, complains that he has
too much homework, doesn’t have time to play the latest version of
"Grand Theft Auto".

Oh yeah, I should mention this one other tiny thing. This particular
school system assigns the homework TO THE PARENTS!!! Yeah, now there’s a
smart idea. It’s not enough that they went through school once. Now they
have to do so again because the kid has no time left to PLAY???!!!!!

You have to read this to believe it. I still don’t. What a crock.

Twilight Zone: Ban On Homework or How Junior Got His Job At McDonalds

SAN JOSE, Calif. Alarmed by indicators of student stress like
cheating and substance abuse a handful of Bay Area schools are reducing
an education staple: homework.

Critics say homework steals time that increasingly-busy children need
to play or spend with family. Homework proponents argue that it teaches
students to be more responsible and manage their time.

And now back to the real world……Twilight Zone out.

You ain’t seen nuttin yet! This time, Clifton, N.J., is apparently tired
of hearing dogs barking. They are making a law to LIMIT the barking time
per dog. Okie dokie, anyone mention this to the dogs in question?
Doubtful. Someone needs to go out and get a reaction from the canines.
What do you suppose they’re going to think about it? I can see the ACLU
getting into this. Dog abuse. No longer allowed to express opinions.
It’s a free country!! I am willing to bet there will be class action
lawsuits about this soon. The dogs will not tolerate this. Why? Because
the cats can say any darn thing they want, that’s why.

Muzzle The Mutts

(AP) The city of Clifton is not going to the dogs. At least not if
the City Council has anything to do about it. Later this month, the
council is expected to introduce an ordinance setting a limit on how
long dogs can bark. Noisy canines will be defined as those that bark for
more than 30 minutes on two consecutive days.

I’ve heard of Cat in the Hat and Cat-astophy but Cat in a Bag is new and
yet strangely familiar. Haven’t you ever seen a cat that was so curious
that she/he just had to check out that open sack? Yep, I thought so.
There’s one in every cathouse….er, home with a cat. But, I have to
admit, it’s just possible that these folks are taking it a tad too far.

Seems that this fast food chain in Tampa, Florida, has decided to adorn
our wonderful furry creatures at home….with a takeout food bag that is
specially cut so Tabby and Morris can put their tails and legs through
and strut around like they had on a basketball jersey and a chain. So,
now they want you to actually have a "cool cat", right?

Might be a nice deal except that the animal cruelty folks got into the
game and think it’s a cruel joke on the furry folk. Could be. Of course,
it’s really possible the fashion just doesn’t cut it for Tabby and
Morris anyway. They are certainly fashion conscious. Oh, you don’t think
so? Did you WANT him in that sack? If so, he won’t do it. Tail up, walks
around like he owns the whole place, can’t be bringing himself low
enough to check out the bag. Or if you don’t want her to get into the
sack, there she is. She has decided to have her whole litter right there
on your bed in the sack. Just try and get her to change her mind. HA!

Twilight Zone: Cat In A Bag

TAMPA, Fla. (AP) - Animal control authorities are not amused by a
fast food chain’s marketing stunt encouraging customers to dress their
cats in a special take out bag.

Tampa-based Checkers Drive-in Restaurants Inc. is distributing
"Rapcat" bags designed with cutaway areas for the cat’s legs and tail.
The cat’s head sticks out the opening of the bag, which is designed to
look like to a basketball jersey and gold chain worn by the hip-hop
Rapcat puppet in Checkers commercials.

And that’s all folks! Meow!

The guy who likes practical jokes apparently went too far this time. He
put a 6 ft. boa inside his mailbox for the postperson to find. Don’t you
know that mailperson went postal in a big way. Said it was an incredibly
stupid joke. I agree. Of course, the real problem is that if the person
who saw the snake had a bad heart or something, it would have been
manslaughter at the least. But a joke is a joke, at least until the
judge gets ahold of it and then it’s about 6 months to three years in
jail or, in this case, three years probation. Frankly, I think the joker
deserves the flush against his single ace! But of course, he’s sorry.
Aren’t they always…..after they get caught.

Practical Joker Gets Probation For Reptile Mail

A man who put a snake inside his mailbox to scare his letter carrier
was sentenced to three years probation in federal court Thursday. James
Rutherford Mell, 32, of Farmington Hills had described the incident as
"an incredibly stupid practical joke that wasn’t funny."

Federal postal officials agreed, charging Mell with obstructing the
mail — a criminal offense that can bring a six-month prison term. U.S.
District Judge Marianne O. Battani, who sentenced Mell, was told the
auto mechanic placed his 6-foot boa constrictor inside his mailbox last
July 7, frightening postal worker Nakeema Anderson.

One more from Are They Nuts? The answer is oh yeah.

This has to be one of the most ridiculous things I’ve seen in a while.
Still doesn’t beat out the talking urinal cakes but what the heck, it’s
funny anyway. Seems the House had a committee hearing scheduled. The
Subcommittee on Energy and Air Quality was going to work on the problem
of global warming. However, the committee meeting was cancelled due to
an ice storm. Is that hilarious or what?

Global Warming
Meeting Cancelled Due To Ice Storm

HOUSE HEARING ON ‘WARMING OF THE PLANET’ CANCELED AFTER ICE STORM

HEARING NOTICE

Tue Feb 13 2007 19:31:25 ET

The Subcommittee on Energy and Air Quality hearing scheduled for
Wednesday, February 14, 2007, at 10:00 a.m. in room 2123 Rayburn House
Office Building has been postponed due to inclement weather. The hearing
is entitled “Climate Change: Are Greenhouse Gas Emissions from Human
Activities Contributing to a Warming of the Planet?”

The hearing will be rescheduled to a date and time to be announced
later.

Now have you heard everything? No? Okay, I’m still working on it. More
later.

This is getting WAY out there, but not. Twilight Zone: Parking by
cellphone is apparently in the works in Boston. Not only that but the
parking spaces go to the HIGHEST BIDDER!!?????? Come on. This is not
funny anymore. Well, it IS a little funny….until you need a parking
space, that is. If you aren’t armed with a cellphone, you can forget it.
The guy with the bucks and a hot cell can get there first, no matter
when you set your alarm. This just isn’t right. For so many years, it
was first come, first serve. That’s the American way. Now, just like
that, some bright techie is going to change the way things have worked
for years. Nay, centuries. It ain’t civil.

So, there’s this startup company called SpotScout, Inc. Nice, huh? They
want to have an online marketplace for bidding on parking spots. Ah, but
they have a good deal here because if you don’t like your grubby spot
way off in the burbs, then you can swap public parking spaces in real
time, mind you, and then the vacant ones go to the highest bidder. It’s
all very civil. That’s the word for it. No parking rage. No sweating out
the jerk that takes his sweet time vacating the spot. You get your own,
paid for, private parking spot. This is really a good idea……..(she
coughs)…no, I mean it. After all, you don’t have enough to pay for
now…high gas prices, even higher insurance on the car and everything
else, not to mention that you have to eat, mortgage, kids shoes and
college tuition. Ah but it won’t hurt too much, right? Sure. No problem.

Parking By Cellphone

BOSTON (AP) - Finding a parking spot often requires drivers to summon
their inner caveman: Scan the horizon for the target, then bag it before
someone else does.

A startup company is betting it can chip away at that anachronism and
transform the search for parking just as eBay Inc.changed auctions.

SpotScout Inc. hopes to create an online marketplace where drivers
armed with mobile phones can not only reserve private spaces in garages
and driveways, but also swap public parking spots in real time, with
vacant spaces going to the highest bidder.

More later from the Twilight Zone.

Okay, let’s say it’s a lazy winter Saturday and you have nothing better
to do so you go down to the state Capitol grounds in Bismarck, N.D. and
flop down to do your part in making snow angels. Say what? Uh huh. I
said snow angels. The town folk decided to try to break the Guinness
record for the most snow angels made. Why? You wonder. I did too. Is it
possible people have too much time on their hands in Bismarck? Could be.
Is it that they are having a bout of cabin fever because of the snow.
Uh, could be.

Nevertheless, 8,910 people registered for the Saturday attempt. It
appears to be a city pride thing. While Guinness still needs to give
their input, read that to mean they have to count angels, it is a fair
probability that the good city of Bismarck has stepped up to the plate
since the last record was with 3,784 snow angels set by students at
Michigan Technological University in Houghton.

Go Bismarck!!!

Thousands Attempt Breaking Record

BISMARCK, N.D. (Feb. 17) - Among the thousands of people frantically
flapping in the snow Saturday in an attempt to set the record for the
most snow angels ever made were parents, children, even snowplow drivers.

And then there was Pauline Jaeger - who on her 99th birthday, was
making her very first angel.

"It’s fun," Jaeger said. "I feel just like a kid."

More than 8,900 people flapped their arms and legs on the state
Capitol grounds Saturday in an attempt to reclaim the record, which was
snatched away about a year ago in Michigan.

That’s all concerning snow angels from the Total Peanut.